These scarlet tears
These violent fears
These secret hopes
That bring me here
I tremble quick
My heart screams high
I tremble, I tremble
I sink low & draw nigh
(or) I sink low& breathe high
Lord, Oh Lord
Can you still even the heart of me
That buzzes like a beehive
And stings the soul of thee
(or) And stings my mind, that bee
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Just a Prayer
How can I
Come to you
Lord
Who am I
That you should love me
Lord
Here am I
To you I come
Lord
And I just can’t wait to see
Everything you have in store
For me
Use me
Lord, draw me close
Put blinders on my eyes
And I’m so grateful
For all these people
All these blessings
Even the blessings in disguise
I want you
I want to want you even more
Take my heart
Take my love
Take my face
Lord lift it up
May I gaze only
In the face of your love
Lord, fill me up
Til I have no room
For anything that’s not of you
Help me discipline myself
To hear your voice
And make the choice
To do what you want
To hear what you ask
Help me open my hands
Let go of everything I grasp
That’s not you
Cuz I would cling to the ones I love
But if you love someone
You let them go
Help me truly give it all to you
Not just in these words
But in my life, may it be true
Come to you
Lord
Who am I
That you should love me
Lord
Here am I
To you I come
Lord
And I just can’t wait to see
Everything you have in store
For me
Use me
Lord, draw me close
Put blinders on my eyes
And I’m so grateful
For all these people
All these blessings
Even the blessings in disguise
I want you
I want to want you even more
Take my heart
Take my love
Take my face
Lord lift it up
May I gaze only
In the face of your love
Lord, fill me up
Til I have no room
For anything that’s not of you
Help me discipline myself
To hear your voice
And make the choice
To do what you want
To hear what you ask
Help me open my hands
Let go of everything I grasp
That’s not you
Cuz I would cling to the ones I love
But if you love someone
You let them go
Help me truly give it all to you
Not just in these words
But in my life, may it be true
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Loss
How do you deal with Loss?
Only at the foot of the cross
I know
But... how do you deal with loss
What do you do when you wake up crying
And each day you feel like dying
How do you deal with Loss?
Only at the foot of the cross
I know
But I forget when I'm asleep
My heart forgets
I dream and wake with regrets
How do you tear down the memories of your heart
Tell me how
I want to know
How do you deal with heartache
betrayal
When the shock wears off
When the anger fades
When all that's left are tears and pain
How do you deal with heartache
What do you do when even the stares of onlookers
can't keep your tears at bay
What can you do?
What can you say
Lord cover me with ashes
break my skin with new wine
Come to me like oil
mix your soul with mine
Hold me in your arms
capture every tear
tell me that you love me
tell me that you're near
Broken
Shattered
Scared
Left bleeding in my tears
come to me with comfort
quiet all my fears
Broken
Shattered
Scared
But you meet me here
You've taken all my nothing
its you who've brought me here
The place of death
The place of loss
The place of so much pain
that flows through me like water
comes to me like rain
It is here you cleanse me
here you bring me low
You teach me that I need you
You teach me what I know
Here the place
where I have nothing
and I am nothing too
It is here you bring me
to give me hope, just in you
Here you brought me
and here I am
Lord here I am
fill me
take me
use me
the nothing that I am
Only at the foot of the cross
I know
But... how do you deal with loss
What do you do when you wake up crying
And each day you feel like dying
How do you deal with Loss?
Only at the foot of the cross
I know
But I forget when I'm asleep
My heart forgets
I dream and wake with regrets
How do you tear down the memories of your heart
Tell me how
I want to know
How do you deal with heartache
betrayal
When the shock wears off
When the anger fades
When all that's left are tears and pain
How do you deal with heartache
What do you do when even the stares of onlookers
can't keep your tears at bay
What can you do?
What can you say
Lord cover me with ashes
break my skin with new wine
Come to me like oil
mix your soul with mine
Hold me in your arms
capture every tear
tell me that you love me
tell me that you're near
Broken
Shattered
Scared
Left bleeding in my tears
come to me with comfort
quiet all my fears
Broken
Shattered
Scared
But you meet me here
You've taken all my nothing
its you who've brought me here
The place of death
The place of loss
The place of so much pain
that flows through me like water
comes to me like rain
It is here you cleanse me
here you bring me low
You teach me that I need you
You teach me what I know
Here the place
where I have nothing
and I am nothing too
It is here you bring me
to give me hope, just in you
Here you brought me
and here I am
Lord here I am
fill me
take me
use me
the nothing that I am
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Plot
My Journey
My Walk With God
--vaguely
I grew up with songs, like, “Jesus Loves Me This I Know.” My grandparents always told me how God loved me, how I was special, how God has a plan for my life. I thought God was pretty awesome; especially Jesus. He was that smiling Shepard with kind eyes. The one who loved children and told his disciples not to stop them from coming to him. My grandparents paid for me to go to Christian school. Now, while the methods were probably not the best—I quickly realized that no matter how hard I tried--- I couldn’t be good all the time—I couldn’t be prefect. And trust me, I tried hard! So when my kindergarten teacher told us how Jesus could save us from our sins, and come live in our hearts & help us be good--- I was all about that! Jesus was pretty awesome from what I could tell, and I saw my desperate inability to live up to perfection.
I can’t remember anything much of distinction between then and Jr. High. I loved Sunday School, I loved going to Christian camp in the summer and I loved Explore Girls (the Christian version of Girl Scouts at my church/school). I thought the bible was cool. I remember my dad got this thick study bible, leather-bound, with his name engraved on the cover. I thought it was wonderful and wanted one of my own more than anything! So when I was 8 he gave me one for the Feast of Tabernacles (which my Dad celebrated in place of Christmas).
In Junior High I went on a retreat with my grandparents’ church and that’s when I remember things being taken to the next level. At this point I knew a lot about God, I knew he was around and loved me, and I wanted to do right--- but mostly, my life was still about me and I didn’t have a close, personal relationship with God. He was more like… a relative—we interacted occasionally. I remember listening to the message and a fire and urgency being stirred up in my bones; my heart. I needed Jesus in my life the way this guy was talking about it. I needed to GIVE CONTROL over everything in my life to God. I didn’t want to go up, because I didn’t want people to think I hadn’t been loving or following God all this time—that I’d just been a poser. My pride got in the way. So I struggled, but I went up at last and such joy exploded into my heart that I will never forget it.
I’ve had similarly powerful experiences since then; landmarks on my journey. Recently, God has been working in my life to take things to a whole new level. He’s taken everything from me, and I’ve never known such sorrow--- but he’s met me in my pain… and now I have joy—even if I still have pain at the same time sometimes. You see, Like in the story My Heart Christ’s Home—I let God in—but it’s been a gradual process giving him control over every aspect of my life… and living in fellowship with Him. Books like, Practicing The Presence of God have made a powerful impact on my life. To live in constant awareness of God’s presence, doing everything as an act of worship and love for Him… to let none of my desires interfere; that is what I strive for. I’m excited because I have no idea at all where I’m going, or what the future holds anymore—I’m just following God and trusting him to lead me… and it’s awesome! I think I’m being lead to full-time ministry or to be a missionary--- but, I don’t know! Only God knows. I’m SUPER excited though… I've surrendered all my dreams... all my expectations... all my arranging... it's great... it has to be done continually...and it’s only taken me 24 years to get here! Ha!
My Walk With God
--vaguely
I grew up with songs, like, “Jesus Loves Me This I Know.” My grandparents always told me how God loved me, how I was special, how God has a plan for my life. I thought God was pretty awesome; especially Jesus. He was that smiling Shepard with kind eyes. The one who loved children and told his disciples not to stop them from coming to him. My grandparents paid for me to go to Christian school. Now, while the methods were probably not the best—I quickly realized that no matter how hard I tried--- I couldn’t be good all the time—I couldn’t be prefect. And trust me, I tried hard! So when my kindergarten teacher told us how Jesus could save us from our sins, and come live in our hearts & help us be good--- I was all about that! Jesus was pretty awesome from what I could tell, and I saw my desperate inability to live up to perfection.
I can’t remember anything much of distinction between then and Jr. High. I loved Sunday School, I loved going to Christian camp in the summer and I loved Explore Girls (the Christian version of Girl Scouts at my church/school). I thought the bible was cool. I remember my dad got this thick study bible, leather-bound, with his name engraved on the cover. I thought it was wonderful and wanted one of my own more than anything! So when I was 8 he gave me one for the Feast of Tabernacles (which my Dad celebrated in place of Christmas).
In Junior High I went on a retreat with my grandparents’ church and that’s when I remember things being taken to the next level. At this point I knew a lot about God, I knew he was around and loved me, and I wanted to do right--- but mostly, my life was still about me and I didn’t have a close, personal relationship with God. He was more like… a relative—we interacted occasionally. I remember listening to the message and a fire and urgency being stirred up in my bones; my heart. I needed Jesus in my life the way this guy was talking about it. I needed to GIVE CONTROL over everything in my life to God. I didn’t want to go up, because I didn’t want people to think I hadn’t been loving or following God all this time—that I’d just been a poser. My pride got in the way. So I struggled, but I went up at last and such joy exploded into my heart that I will never forget it.
I’ve had similarly powerful experiences since then; landmarks on my journey. Recently, God has been working in my life to take things to a whole new level. He’s taken everything from me, and I’ve never known such sorrow--- but he’s met me in my pain… and now I have joy—even if I still have pain at the same time sometimes. You see, Like in the story My Heart Christ’s Home—I let God in—but it’s been a gradual process giving him control over every aspect of my life… and living in fellowship with Him. Books like, Practicing The Presence of God have made a powerful impact on my life. To live in constant awareness of God’s presence, doing everything as an act of worship and love for Him… to let none of my desires interfere; that is what I strive for. I’m excited because I have no idea at all where I’m going, or what the future holds anymore—I’m just following God and trusting him to lead me… and it’s awesome! I think I’m being lead to full-time ministry or to be a missionary--- but, I don’t know! Only God knows. I’m SUPER excited though… I've surrendered all my dreams... all my expectations... all my arranging... it's great... it has to be done continually...and it’s only taken me 24 years to get here! Ha!
Desire
Our desires stream forth
From fountains within
Sometimes we run off
With each and every whim
It's harder for us, who want to do right
To run after God and follow His light
The war that we wage is often inside
Which desires are right, which ones do we hide?
It's true we are slaves, we have lost our own lives
God must be first, in each of our lives
So follow His lead, for I have no desire
To come between you and God's Holy fire
From fountains within
Sometimes we run off
With each and every whim
It's harder for us, who want to do right
To run after God and follow His light
The war that we wage is often inside
Which desires are right, which ones do we hide?
It's true we are slaves, we have lost our own lives
God must be first, in each of our lives
So follow His lead, for I have no desire
To come between you and God's Holy fire
Live Inside The Rain
My dear you’re so tired, I know that you are
You need something else, so follow the star
Just sit down and rest, let the rain cleanse your soul
(Look around) let your soul be refreshed in the beauty of old
Little boy inside the man, my heart weeps for you
There’s a little girl inside of me, and she is broken too
Sometimes they feel abandoned, but He’s never really gone
We are cold but he invites us in, (to the fire) where it’s warm
And that’s worth fighting for
You belong to him & I accept you too
(We all bear our burdens, with sorrows to weigh us down
We’re all to weak ta bear them but we don’t have to now
It’s time to give them up, let go & reach for the new
Nursing your wounds is something you can’t do
Only God can heal your pain, I know you feel it’s true)
So come in off the streets, trade your match for a flame
Don’t be afraid, come be real with me again
There are riches more than money,
Come eat this living bread
He will take care of you, just as he said
Look out beyond the rain that falls
There’re rainbows up ahead
Come, let us dry your tears; let us ease your pain
There's a hunger deep inside you
That is what’s to blame
Yes this world is full of sorrows, and it can fill your heart with pain
But when you find living water
You can live inside the rain
Knowing the victory has already been won, (that) will kill the pain
These words go in and out
They breathe and sing and dance
They will give you hope
If you give them half a chance
You are not alone, and you will find Him, when you do
Seek him with all your heart & soul, there is hope for you
Where is the Joy?
It’s found in praising Truth
He resides in the praise of our lips
And joy is in His presence
It’s at your finger tips
You need something else, so follow the star
Just sit down and rest, let the rain cleanse your soul
(Look around) let your soul be refreshed in the beauty of old
Little boy inside the man, my heart weeps for you
There’s a little girl inside of me, and she is broken too
Sometimes they feel abandoned, but He’s never really gone
We are cold but he invites us in, (to the fire) where it’s warm
And that’s worth fighting for
You belong to him & I accept you too
(We all bear our burdens, with sorrows to weigh us down
We’re all to weak ta bear them but we don’t have to now
It’s time to give them up, let go & reach for the new
Nursing your wounds is something you can’t do
Only God can heal your pain, I know you feel it’s true)
So come in off the streets, trade your match for a flame
Don’t be afraid, come be real with me again
There are riches more than money,
Come eat this living bread
He will take care of you, just as he said
Look out beyond the rain that falls
There’re rainbows up ahead
Come, let us dry your tears; let us ease your pain
There's a hunger deep inside you
That is what’s to blame
Yes this world is full of sorrows, and it can fill your heart with pain
But when you find living water
You can live inside the rain
Knowing the victory has already been won, (that) will kill the pain
These words go in and out
They breathe and sing and dance
They will give you hope
If you give them half a chance
You are not alone, and you will find Him, when you do
Seek him with all your heart & soul, there is hope for you
Where is the Joy?
It’s found in praising Truth
He resides in the praise of our lips
And joy is in His presence
It’s at your finger tips
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